her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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