before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
