We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
