i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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