1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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