Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
