I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Mom said you looked used
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
