I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
