She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
