you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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