Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
