apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
