u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
