I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Are we still banned from the library?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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