i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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