Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Less talking, more tequila
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
