You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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