I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
