Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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