am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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