Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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