In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
two words...techno handjob
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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