I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sober January is a disaster.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
FUCK WHALES
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