Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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