The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
