Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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