sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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