so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
