I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
