VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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