If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
