So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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