I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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