Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
