You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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