If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
