If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
