Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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