Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
operation have a gay friend backfired
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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