Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
