VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
