forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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