I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
