A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
