Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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