Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
