I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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