You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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