I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
