Soap is not a condiment
It's just like the Real World with babies
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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