"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
