Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
