I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
