you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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