Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
